…She knows how to use them!

So, I got a nifty pair of stockings from the internet.  It was a pair I’ve really been wanting for a long time, and finally bought.  I saved them to wear on Valentine’s Day, because let’s face it: thigh highs are not comfortable.  I know I may be ruining some fantasies with that statement, but I’ll redeem myself by adding that the discomfort is part of the pleasure of wearing constricted clothing.  That’s why I wear corsets (but also not often).

I had my hubby take some pics of my legs because I’m a self-centered whore (well, not really, but that’s how I feel whenever I do things like that) and I made the pic the cover of my facebook page.  I wondered if that was wise, because I don’t want others to think I’m a self-centered whore.  I figured that a lot of guys would “like” the pic, and some girls with good taste, but that most girls would be like “wow, what a skank.”  But no one would ever say that to me, really.  They would just look at my legs with jealousy and think hateful thoughts.  But strangely enough, my husband noticed that no guys liked or commented, and that a lot of girls seemed to like them!  I said, that’s because I’m married, so no sane man would be like, “ooh la la, nice gams my lady” (or however men talk these days lol).

But I am wondering, are there any haters that are looking at my legs and being all like “slut,” and guys thinking “Oh, I would so hit that if she wasn’t married, but since she is I’m going to not like or comment on it but just get off to it” (although I think only a select minority of leg men would do that, irl)?

The reason that I posted that picture was because I do think I have nice legs, and not a whole lot of other nice things going on, so I wanted that to be something that people saw.  Plus with the black and white I did over it, it looks kinda classy, which is an element that I would like to claim for myself.  And I also will admit that I like compliments and attention (I actually told my husband that it’s because I have a vagina and vaginas eat compliments, so I will always need more than one person’s compliments and attention.  Thank God he loves my sense of humor.  If you’re reading this babe, I’m so lucky to have you.).

So, I don’t know?  Sexy or skanky?  I wonder how people perceive me, I really do.

A Mirage?

Am I fool to search for happiness? All my life I’ve heard people say, “I’ve worked so hard my whole life and I’ve got nothing to show for it” and “I don’t want to end up on my deathbed saying that all I ever did was work.” It finally hit me a year ago that I was on track to becoming that person.

A lot of people will tell you that they bust their ass at work. A lot of people are lying. Or they might work hard physically, but not mentally, etc. But I can honestly say that for me, I really do work hard. I care, I have integrity. There are days I don’t give 100%, but I would never outright just be lazy or not give a shit. I can also honestly say that me at 70-80% is what most people think is their 100%. That is the kind of responsibility and loyalty I have for my job. And it always weighs on my mind. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I still think about work.

So I decided to go back to school and learn a career that won’t take all of my time and mind, one where I might be comfortable but still have a good schedule. Something that I can be proud of, because that’s important to me. And I wonder if my search for happiness is worth it.

Am I really going to give up a comfortable, secure job so that I can be a broke college student in my thirties? Just for this abstract concept of happiness? Especially when I’m not sure if this happiness will ever be mine? I mean, okay, I’ve made up my mind. As soon as the time comes when I’m going to need to be at school full-time, etc… Who knows when, but at some point I will be giving up a job I’ve been at 10+ years. I mean, the money I’ll end up making will be good, but how many years am I prepared to do without it, in order to get there? But I am going to do it. I just wonder if I will find that happiness in my career, that peace of not thinking about work. The fresh challenge of doing something new and exciting. I know that as a Libra I will always be searching for something. When I think about my life path, I always see myself walking through a windy desert with my hands in my pockets. It’s sunset, and I feel like a wanderer. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but that’s the closest I can get to putting my feelings into words…