Am I fool to search for happiness? All my life I’ve heard people say, “I’ve worked so hard my whole life and I’ve got nothing to show for it” and “I don’t want to end up on my deathbed saying that all I ever did was work.” It finally hit me a year ago that I was on track to becoming that person.
A lot of people will tell you that they bust their ass at work. A lot of people are lying. Or they might work hard physically, but not mentally, etc. But I can honestly say that for me, I really do work hard. I care, I have integrity. There are days I don’t give 100%, but I would never outright just be lazy or not give a shit. I can also honestly say that me at 70-80% is what most people think is their 100%. That is the kind of responsibility and loyalty I have for my job. And it always weighs on my mind. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I still think about work.
So I decided to go back to school and learn a career that won’t take all of my time and mind, one where I might be comfortable but still have a good schedule. Something that I can be proud of, because that’s important to me. And I wonder if my search for happiness is worth it.
Am I really going to give up a comfortable, secure job so that I can be a broke college student in my thirties? Just for this abstract concept of happiness? Especially when I’m not sure if this happiness will ever be mine? I mean, okay, I’ve made up my mind. As soon as the time comes when I’m going to need to be at school full-time, etc… Who knows when, but at some point I will be giving up a job I’ve been at 10+ years. I mean, the money I’ll end up making will be good, but how many years am I prepared to do without it, in order to get there? But I am going to do it. I just wonder if I will find that happiness in my career, that peace of not thinking about work. The fresh challenge of doing something new and exciting. I know that as a Libra I will always be searching for something. When I think about my life path, I always see myself walking through a windy desert with my hands in my pockets. It’s sunset, and I feel like a wanderer. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but that’s the closest I can get to putting my feelings into words…
aloneat2inthemorning 